今年春天, 鸿博体育 junior Isabel Hill was awarded three Honorable Mentions in the 2021 Scholastic Art & 写作奖(西方写作地区)和两件原创艺术品:一幅油画 穿西装的山羊 还有手工制作的项链. This work has been shared below with Isabel’s permission.
作者:Isabel Hill, 2022届毕业生
也许我第一次剪头发的时候情况变了. Or maybe things changed when I refused to grow it out again. My parents loved my hair; I think that might have been one of the reasons I thought It had to go before I did. Mom 和 Dad never like the thought of me leaving home. 鸿博体育并不是特别亲密，但他们给了我一种保护性的爱. 他们给了我他们的意见, 他们给了我对我最好的东西, 和 yet I cut away every 行 they roped around me. 我的头发就像那些领带一样. 它长长的、流动的、美丽的，就像我父母对完美的描绘的祭坛.
I think I scared myself when I looked in the mirror after setting down the silver-bladed scissors. The dark halo around my head had been reduced to something jagged 和 sharp, like messy broken glass. 我只是站在那里, 我都不知道怎么数数了, 手里握着一把把断掉的波浪锁, 把呼吸憋得更紧了.
I learned my first magic trick with a deck of cards. 我学会了如何让东西消失和重现，但我不会止步于打牌. 我自学了什么时候该消失. To disappear from friends, from teachers, 和 sometimes my parents. But no matter how long I had disappeared for, I always came back. 不带夸张, 或者是一股神秘的烟, 但在沉默, 就好像我从一开始就没有离开过. But staring at this stranger in my own mirror was scary. 我无法让我的头发重新出现. 它真的消失了. 我以为我不会错过，我是对的. 愤怒的是我的父母.
When I left home I stopped wearing skirts 和 dresses 和 switched over to dress shirts 和 ties. I sometimes annoyed myself when I insisted on wearing a tie. It felt too tight, too close, but it looked good on me. It looked refined 和 precise, just how I wanted to feel. 我以为我父母不会同意, 但这种想法变得麻木了, like a dull headache that one can learn to live with.
My new friends seemed to like my wardrobe choice, 和 I built my demeanor around that knowledge. 我挺直了身子，挺直了肩膀，亲切而坚定地说着话. 自信沉着，就像绅士应有的样子. 如此自信，但又不自私. 除了我的外表外，所有人似乎都很崇拜我的魔法.
我可以流畅流畅地表演. 人们想怎么接近我就怎么接近，他们永远不会知道我是怎么做到的. 他们想知道我的秘密，学习我的咒语, 和 I would always tell them the truth with a little wink. I told them that It's not magic, it’s misdirection.
They liked it when I deceived them, so I kept practicing magic. 它成了我的标志，人们会怀着敬畏的心情低声议论我. 我喜欢这样做, 看到人们的脸融化在惊讶的想法，也许, 只是也许, 魔法真的是可能的. 我继续练习新的戏法. If there was something I couldn’t figure out at first I knew I would master it eventually. 这只是时间问题. My performance was as important as the trick itself, 但我很快意识到，我不仅仅是在表演我的节目.
When I stood with my new friends it was like st和ing on a stage, 只有我的观众在我周围. I would easily enchant them with my witty 和 friendly act. 但那不是魔法，那是误导. Whenever I was in a group I was surrounded by companions, but a piece of me always felt hollow. I could thrive in the spotlight, the center of attention, but that was all an act of magic. I had taught myself how to disappear 和 how to go unnoticed, I didn’t know what to do with myself if I tried to show what was behind my expression instead of what was behind a spectator’s ear.
My expressions hid an emotion, a kind of feeling that I couldn’t touch under my fingertips. I felt it crawling under my skin from time to time, but I couldn’t grab a hold of it 和 crush it. It was infuriating, 和 I didn’t know what to do about it. I wanted to cut away my confused pieces like the shriveled leaves in my mother's garden that the plants didn't need anymore. 我试图重塑自我，把自己修剪成一朵美丽的玫瑰. 但无论我修剪了多少叶子，荆棘总会重新长出来.
我一直在执行. 我遇到阿德里安只是时间问题. The one with a soft smile 和 sharp eyesight, the one who was always too perceptive for my own good. 也可能是为了我好. He was very kind to many people, 和 I seemed to be one of them. Adrien’s eyesight was sharp enough to cut through a person’s skin 和 see what they were underneath. He could see people opened up like the petals of a flower.
我害怕敞开心扉, 好像这样做也会让我崩溃似的, 就像一个脆弱的小存钱罐. 不过他不需要许可. 他不是入侵，只是太细心了. Adrien could tell the difference between my thoughtful silence 和 my upset silence 和 I had no idea how he did it. 他似乎对我有一种特殊的迷恋，我发现这几乎令人担忧.
我花了一段时间才明白，阿德里安的迷恋更多的是一种友谊. 当然，我已经有了朋友, 这是我引以为豪的事, 但这次感觉不一样, 更诚实. 而阿德里安，他就像玻璃一样. He was transparent, but somehow he was not fragile. 他会生气, 和行动冷, 有时他的成就会冲昏他的头脑，他就会说得太多.
至少他比我更透明. 我觉得它很迷人. 有时我看到他像被拉得太紧的绳子一样被磨损. 但他从未崩溃. 他从来没有破碎. I’m not sure many other people could see when he was fraying. 我很注意细节，这就是我成为这么好的魔术师的原因.
我喜欢用我的魔法迷惑他. 我仍然喜欢这样做, 和 even more so when I believed I was fooling someone who seemed to see things so clearly. He never figured out the secret behind my magic, or if he did he didn’t find it important to mention.
有一次他邀请我去他的派对上表演魔术，我拒绝了. 有一次，一天下午他邀请我参加他和他的朋友们的café聚会，我拒绝了. 但有一次他让我去当地的公园散步，有一次，我答应了.
我害怕了好几天. 我不知道是什么让我如此害怕和一个人独处, maybe it was the knowledge that there would be no one else to help pick up the conversation. It was daunting, 和 the thought lurked behind me like a shadow.
它跟在我后面，像一个黑色透明的身影跟在我后面. 它拉着我，但它不能把我从阿德里安设定的时间拉回来. No amount of misdirection could change the advance of time. 但当时机到来时，我再次表演. 只有这次表演似乎有所不同. I was only hiding my nervousness, for my sake of course, 和 eventually the theater mask fell away.
It started to happen before I went to meet my friend, when I had chosen my outfit after fretting over it like a child. I looked at the person in the mirror, 和 I saw myself. 我有一个很好的和放松的姿势, 和 I spoke softly; I no longer needed the confidence that dripped from my tongue as it had before. My short, dark hair haloed around my face, the tips curling upwards like the tendrils of a tiny sun. 我穿着一件带小条纹的蓝色背心和一件白衬衫，衬衫的袖口一直扣到我的肘部. 我觉得我看起来很漂亮. 那天我没打领带.
我在公园外面遇见了阿德里安. 影子回来了, 抓住我的脚踝, 但在这个过程中，不知怎么的，他抓住了我的喉咙，把它闭上了. I managed to bluff my way all the way past the first fountain until we could manage to walk without needing to fill the cacophony of noise with our own voices.
He picked a flower at his feet 和 h和ed it to me to admire. 那是一株小小的紫色三叶草. Its leaves were being nibbled away by some small insect, 但它就在我的手指和拇指之间，非常漂亮. Adrien smiled 和 said he thought it looked nice against my vest. 他是对的，它确实看起来很完美. 我保留了这朵花.
We only talked about neutral matters, or at least, I did. 阿德里安告诉我他一直在做什么，他父母在做什么. 鸿博体育一直往学校的方向走，还有天气预报和全国新闻. Once he asked me about my magic, 和 a smile crept towards my face. 这是我能理解的.
Later that day we promised ourselves we would meet again, 可能在同一个地方, 也许是在一个类似的周末. It was later that day when I realized something else about him. 阿德里安就像一面镜子. He would take peoples images 和 reflect them back at you, 但不知何故，你只能看到最好的画面.
Maybe by watching him closely enough I would underst和 that trick, how he could see through our skins 和 see something pretty amongst the coiling veins 和 tendons. I would figure out the secret behind that trick someday. 这只是时间问题.